Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Getting to the HEART of the matter...

PART 1

OK so where do I start? I really don't know. So lets just say all that stress from "the Wedding", was not really anxiety attacks. And all the weight I have gained did not help. So when we were in San Diego, and I noticed how out of shape I was feeling, it came as no surprise when I was out of breath and sweating after a good hike on the rocks at the beach. And we I got home and got pretty "sick" just cooking hot dawgs for a church picnic I was kinda taken aback. But when the chest pressure and shortness of breath combined with nausea woke me up at 4:30 in the morning the next day I thought this is one hell of an anxiety attack. So I did what any 41 year old, self medicating woman would do. I reached for the Xanax. Then when I was wakened again at 9:15 out of a heavy slumber I was scared. I argued with myself for another 15 minutes before I woke the Handsome Husband. After a shower and shave (of course) we were off to the ER. I made him drive me to the one 45 minutes away that way if it was resolved by the time we got there, I would not go in. But heck no! It was now in full swing. So I got out and all hell broke lose. I walked in filled out why I was there, quietly sat down and waited. The nice lady came over asked for my ID and insurance. And was back in a flash asking is this was real. Where these MY symptoms; chest pressure, shortness of breath, nausea. Yes, I replied. And then it all happened REAL FAST. IV's, heart monitor, Nitro, pain meds.....and I was high. It did take about 3 rounds of the Nitro to get the "pressure" down to what I had been living with for the past 3-4 months. They decide to keep me as an inpatient and now my life in changing and moving forward in a direction I never imagined. These type of things happen to other people. My Dad, his Father. My Mothers Mother had her first heart attack at the age of 40. This would happen to a sibling, a cousin, not me. Hey I got Ovarian cancer and kicked it's ASS! Get cancer, remove it, kick ASS! Move forward. Heart disease is different. You just don't remove it. YOU have to make the changes, and want the changes. It's hard. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this. I am weak.

2 comments:

Julie said...

I am sorry to hear that life is handing you a bunch of lemons right now. I know that you can find a way to make lemonaide. If you were still here, I would make the time to go walking with you, cuz we would both benefit from that, but I guess that the best I can do from here is let you know that you and the family are in our prayers. I know that you will kick this in the butt, cuz that is what you do best....hugs and prayers for you.

Anonymous said...

You are NOT weak sister I love you!!! If you need any help along the way I am here!!! This is heather