Momma Guns...

Dear Mom,
Wow, I can hardly believe you have been gone from this earth for 3 years now. I miss you so much. There was another Pink and Purple Parade in town this year. Again I did not go. But I did make it to Relay for Life this year. I cried but it was a happy cry. I have so much to tell you and I wish we could just go get a sneaky snack and talk, face to face. You know #19 graduated this year and we tried to "launch" her. Well it did not work out so well. I try real hard to understand her and it is so very hard. Her and I are as different as night and day when it comes to SO many things. She just can not get on the same band wagon I was on at her age as far a a job is concerned. I was willing to work even 2 jobs at times to pay for the things I needed and wanted. I know I made a lot of mistakes I want to protect her from those things so terribly, fiercely. Like a mama bear goes after the predators of her cubs, I feel the same way. I really wish you were hear to guide me through this. You know being pregnant with her was so much easier than her senior year of high school. 2008/2009 was not unlike the 1989/1990 I carried her. And that last trimester was the worst. The pain and agony of graduation was mixed the the joy and trill of her accomplishments. And there at the end of it all was this small young adult woman. Yet as the summer began she had her days and nights mixed up (that WAS easier 19 years ago). But here we are and she has a plan. One I think you would be proud of, she is going to go to Dental Assisting School. I like that.
Dad really misses you. A LOT. He is a different person without you. He is still Dad, and really knows how to crank me up. He has taken to calling me at random times during the week just to get me wound up. Like I am his personal spinning top. You just gotta ask yourself sometimes how much can this ole girl take?? Dad is a good man, but he is a better man married. Don't worry we make sure he changes the sheets and uses a clean towel. And you would be so proud of his laundry habits. So much better than mine. I wonder how I was bypassed on the laundry gene. You were the clean laundry QUEEN. I remember how you used to sniff the clean laundry as you would fold it, I find myself doing the same thing from time to time.
I got my drivers licence back about a year after you left. And sometimes I wish I hadn't, HAHA! I feel like I live in the car so much of the time. Do you remember the key chain we got you for Christmas one year. It was clear and spelled Mom's TAXI in yellow and black. I look for one like that from time to time. If I ever do see one I will get it. I have so much more to talk with you about but this will have to do for tonight. I love you Mom. And miss you more than I ever imaged I would. I am doing OK. I am know it gonna be all right. I have my TR and promised myself I will start using it again. I miss being in the Temple with you. But I guess that is probably the closest place to Heaven I can be right now.

Love you,

Me